An Open Letter To My Girls With 99 Problems & Relationships Are 1

This is for any woman who has ever felt she will be single forever; this is for the girls who had their hearts broken, and never thought they would find love; this is for the girls who wonder if they’re good enough in their current relationship situation; this is for every lady who ever wondered if love truly exists.

Yes, you will find your special someone.

Yes, you will find someone better.

No, you are good enough and deserve better.

I was all of the above before, and looking back, I feel like an idiot.

I was single – a lot. Put all my actual relationships minus my marriage together, and it’s under a year. However, I talked to a lot of guys. I was a flirt. I liked to see what was available, but never once did I have a true romantic bond.

I was never in love until now. I never once felt any type of the emotions for any guy except my husband. Even when I thought I did, I realize now I didn’t. Instead, I was infatuated with the idea of love.

Infatuation is what we mostly feel. We love the idea of someone else wanting us, coveting over us, and being with us, until it actually happens. Then the reality sets in, and the annoyances start popping up. You notice deal breakers and habits that are intolerable. But, at an age/stage where you want to be accepted, you tolerate it. You put up with it.

Don’t put up with it. Don’t tolerate it. Don’t accept it. Don’t settle.

                Settling is the worst thing you can do. You are essentially saying your 100% is not good enough, and you don’t deserve someone’s 100%.

Guess what? You do.

It is the truest cliché, but you do find someone when you’re not looking. I am looking at a year of marriage in December, and it has been the most wonderful experience. Never once did I think I would meet Tyler as soon as I did, but I did. I was planning my dream of attending the University of Louisville, going to join a sorority and whatever activities I could balance, and have a fabulous time. We met as myself as a DD, and him as a simple party guest. Yet, something told me to talk to him, and something told me to trust him. Yeah, we made out 4 times the first night, and yes, he was buzzed. However, there was something in my soul that felt comforting, warm and familiar.

The next day, I felt some type of interest, for once, and it freaked me out. I bugged nearly every friend of mine on why this guy I met didn’t text me back immediately. I was pissed off to be honest. I was used to being chased immediately and having contact before you can blink. However, he was taking his time. At first, I felt upset and thought maybe I just met a douche. I kept the face of “I just want to have fun,” but I felt different. I sensed a genuine attitude and pure heart from him. I actually felt somewhat connected.

Well, I was right. I listened to my gut and kept to not contacting him. Two days later, I receive a text and was asked why I never texted him. I told him politely I don’t text men back (because fuck boys only want you to chase them, then replace.) His response was happy, and beyond happier than what I figured I would hear.

He had a similar experience to mine, and was happy I did not text back. He was happy I did not have sex with him. He was content with me being me off the bat.

This is what true love feels like. Now, how you go through your own motions is on your preferences, your interests and your own path. I hate it when people expect a particular model for everyone to follow. My parents were pregnant with me when they married, and are married for 22 years now.

I wish automatically, life made the people who deserve each other get together. Yet again, we would not gain and retain these bits of wisdom if so.

However, there are commonalities in relationships/marriages:

Love does not hurt. Love does not make us feel less than. Love does not abandon us. Love does not betray us.

They will be your best friend. They will motivate you to become better & be better. They will help develop your character, hone your strengths and work on your flaws. They will add to your happiness. They will be what you need, not what you want. No matter what, they will be there, and will always have your back.

You should never feel insecure. You should never feel jealous. If so, realize this is either your own flaw you need to work on (and have time to do so) or your partner is not for you. No actual partner will want you to feel this way. No partner wants you to feel self-conscious.

If you feel like you have to change, don’t. If you feel like you have to do something negative, don’t. Be yourself, and see how they react. Yes, you might have to work on yourself, but the right partner guides you & still loves you.

Love is unconditional.

Yes, you will have rough times.

Yes, it will be hard.

Yes, you will have to work.

You have to give 100 and them 100.

But, you never have to force love. You never have to second think love.

Eventually, you will get through your patch. Remember why you love them. Remember why you feel for them in the first place.

If you can’t, then leave. If you feel replaceable, leave. If they broke a dealbreaker, leave. If you don’t think you can ever trust again, leave. If you’re more sad than happy, leave. If you can think you will regret your decision, leave. If you can’t see a positive influence, leave. If you can’t see them in your future, leave. If you have much more to worry over, leave.

You show people how to treat you, by what you allow them to get away with. So, if you keep accepting someone after they continue the same “mistake” or “accident”, they learn it’s acceptable. A mistake happens one time, a choice is shown with the second action and a habit is formed by the third encounter. To get respect, you have to show yourself that. Don’t be weak minded or naïve- you are worth more than that. You deserve to be shown respect immediately.

Nothing in life is worth sacrificing your happiness or yourself for. I promise you- wait, and it will eventually happen with the right person.


*In honor for my sister in-law. I love you so much, and hope you read this.


3 thoughts on “An Open Letter To My Girls With 99 Problems & Relationships Are 1

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