Let’s Go Back To Africa & Hakuna Matata

11214152_1126556750692460_3859222652187388407_ntumblr_n52765QKb21sidskio1_500Every time I mention girl on girl crime, I think of the Mean Girl’s scenes where Caty reminisces on Africa’s jungle kingdom and compared it to society, and the one where everyone is exposed because of the burn book. The reality is that unfortunately, like the crimes Caty, Regina, Gretchen and Karen committed, all females have done it to others at some point. Whether we’re a “girl’s girl”, girly girl, tomboy, independent or anti-female, we all have been labeled, labeled someone else and hurt another because of her gender identity.

Whether we want to own it, females hurt each other daily for absolutely no reason.

We are in constant competition, comparing to no end, always judging another to get what we want. Whether it deals with reputation, a promotion, gaining tangibles/intangibles, we vie and want to upstage the next set of boobs/booty/vag, the next girl, whether cys or trans.

Whether we want to own it, females are sneakier than males, constantly attempting to outdo another, by any means necessary.

I used to be a mean girl. This was awhile back, and sometimes my traits show it, but I used to be one of those girls who victimized others, because I could. I also was the outsider and victimized myself. I used to judge others for having sex, having multiple partners and for not lying in the standards I upheld.

Yet, I was also under scrutiny. I was labeled a “slut”, a “whore”, “easy”, “mudshark” and other terms, because rumors were made up that I was sexually active (which did not happen until my husband) and because I interracially dated (I have dated all races now). I was labeled “a bitch” because I was “stuck up” and “thought a lot of myself.”

It took after my high school days, but while I was in college my second year, I thought, “Why does this even matter?” I remember I was seeing a guy awhile back, and we broke things off after he got a gf (out of nowhere too lol). I remember that his friends were trying to talk to me, but he would tell them to leave me alone. This brings up another interesting battle of the sexes: guys will fight over a girl, but typically stick together. No matter the situation, females break up and attack.

It makes me question two things: how we’re brought up and how society develops us.

As we’ve changed, society standards and expectations have changed. Due to divorce rates and women’s movements, you have seen a huge shift in the working world. Women are working more and becoming more educated than men. However, we still have rape culture. We still have unequal pay. We still have fear of homosexuality and transgender/transsexuality.

As women, we need to start buckling down and stop the hate. We are the biggest opponents towards our own gender/sex, and for what reason? Why are we filled with so much hatred? Is it self-hate? It is because we’re social Darwinists, and are thriving in our own animal kingdom.

There’s a huge difference between being a girl and a woman. Girls are immature, insecure and quite evil at times. Girls will break down another lady, because of their own envy and insecurity. When you’re a woman, you will uplift, be honest and empower. You will look at another woman, and find positivity.

The gender issue isn’t the entire gender, but instead the individual. WE lump it as a gender issue, to excuse our own actions. WE lump it as a girl problem, because we refuse to accept personal responsibility. WE say it’s girls, because it’s easier to blame someone else.

Stop comparing. Stop competing.

You can’t compare when you don’t compete, and you don’t compete when you feel complete.

To somewhat quote Tina Fey, “Stop calling each other hoes, bitches, whores, sluts, because it makes it okay for guys to call you hoes, bitches, whores, and sluts.” You show others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Admit it or not, we are our own example to another person, because that’s how they learn.

We have become so desensitized towards derogatory words, that we indeed look contradicting and hypocritical when we’re offended. Stop referring to yourself and others as a “bad bitch.” That’s not a compliment. That’s a double negative, which doesn’t result in a positive.

Get your self-esteem up. Become comfortable in your own skin. Love the person you are. If you don’t, start self-reflection. Gaze into your reflection, and analyze what you dislike from your own mirror.

Stop labeling others. You can’t be labeled unless you make it valid, and you can’t validate it unless you accept it. Instead, live your life.

Stop slut shaming. Stop body shaming. Stop rape shaming. STOP all shaming. Whether it is dealing with sexuality, sexual orientation, weight, race/ethnicity, violence, religion, cis versus trans, physical appearance, etc, it is none of your business. Unless it affects you, your future or someone you love, mind your business.

It took me awhile, but I started to realize this after making all the friends I have and will. I only make judgements when I have discovered a character flaw or see the same behavior I dislike consistently. I don’t care about your gender, sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, religion, race, age, etc. If you’re cool, we’re cool. Where I become uncool is when I see flaws in character that I dislike and don’t want around.

Start focusing on yourself, and evaluate your life. The people who throws the most stones typically has the most cracks in their own reflection. Before becoming offended, think if you should even care, and if the source is valid.

This world is a difficult one, but you can make girlfriends and make it live. Society might make double standards, statistics, stereotypes and contradictions, but it doesn’t have to apply to you. You choose what you want to do, and hopefully you’re grateful of the choices you’ve chosen. Remember, being a girl is a blessing, but your opinion depends on the lessons you’ve learned and brownie point you’ve earned. Let’s start making life easier on each other, and being better friends.

Remember: You’re not a queen if your throne is built on the girls you’ve stepped on or hurt to get to the top.

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