I want to say happy Father’s Day. Happy Father’s Day to every male who has impregnated, made a child and stepped up. Happy Father’s Day to every man who raised a child, biological, step or adopted, and loved them as their baby. Happy Father’s Day to all the guys who work their ass off for a little one. Mostly, happy Father’s Day to the men who are single dads, and do both jobs.
Yes, I said Happy Father’s Day. Not Happy Single Mom’s Day.
That probably just pissed off a lot of single moms, but your bitterness & pettiness annoys me too. I understand that you’re probably fed up and tired of the dead beat or sperm donor. Here’s the points:
- You already have a day reserved for you that comes first. Every second Sunday in May is when we celebrate Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is far more celebrated than Father’s Day. I can say that firmly as a former worker in food and retail- many more people come out to celebrate the women in their lives than the men. Sure, the men don’t want to cook and want to pamper their women, since society wrote that gentleman code. However, I remember being barely on a wait for men on their day, or seeing herds of women buying lingerie to show appreciation. It’s a day taken for granted by many, and we need to recognize this fact.
- I have known better fathers than mothers. Donors come in sperm and egg. Some of the greatest people I have in my life have horrible relationships with their mothers. To assume all females have the mothering gene innately inside them is ignorant. I can’t tell you how many times I heard people talk to me about their mom, and it made me want to cry. If you watch shows like Steve Wilkos, almost every other woman will choose the relationships, drugs, sex, abuse, and other horrid options over their kids. Sure, those are typically not norm as “the norm”, but I have known a lot of people who were in that circumstance. That’s the ultimate betrayal. That’s an egg donor in my eyes. I was very blessed with the mom I had, and I can say a lot of us are, whether she’s single, taken, engaged or married.
- However, it is more commended if a man steps up than the woman. I always found this point ironic. We beat down men for their lack of parenting, but commend them way more if they step it. In a way, we psychologically teach ourselves that women will always be there, and that we should be blessed if the men are dependable. Isn’t that creating our own doom? Isn’t that perpetuating stereotypes and bad lifestyle examples for the next generation? Isn’t that regurgitating an already irritating cycle? Why isn’t just as punishable for both sexes? Isn’t that reinforcing our double standards and stereotypes of gender roles?
With that said, I feel like men have the right to celebrate their Father’s Day if they want to. I feel like all the great role models and men who stepped up should be applauded, like we naturally do for the women. It’s funny, because I never hear much about men wanting to celebrate Single Father’s Day on Mother’s Day, and they’re growing in numbers. In America, there’s a movement for men to gain parental leave, because they don’t have it at all. There are no days allotted for men who want to take leave because of a birth or any issues with their children (besides the Sick Leave Act). Men are also conditioned to work more, because if they show more interest in family life, studies have shown that they endure the same discrimination as women in regards to raises, bonuses and promotions. There are more court cases where men are gaining joint or full custody, because back in the day, the kids were always given to the mother, unless proven to be unfit or unstable in multiple degrees. We beat down men daily, and even with their one redeeming day, we try to steal their thunder? This is petty to me. Stop beating down men- recognize boys from men, and stop allowing them into your life.
Yes ladies, I understand that there are some bad guys out there. I understand there are major sperm donors. However, I feel like it’s the mature thing just to ignore them, go on with your day, and keep your focus on your child, not that type of character. It’s not fair to your child at all not to have a father figure that’s biological, but I know there are men who will step up and be there if you give them the chance and find that love. Sometimes, girls lay down with guys. Many times, both are immature, but the female will step up faster and greater. It’s proven that men psychologically are behind women by 5 years, so maybe he’ll step up eventually, if you give him time. Don’t get me wrong- I feel like it’s ridiculous too, but if he does grow up, let your child see him if he’s being appropriate and a good influence. I can only pray he does and if not, do what you have to do. However, teaching your child bad examples to follow isn’t the way to go either. You always want your kids to do better and be better, so please remember that. I have seen quite a few of my friends who actually gave Father’s Day shout outs to the fathers of their children, and I applaud them for being real women. Others are lucky to have a stable man and showing him off.
To the children who aren’t celebrating Father’s Day due to abandonment/absence or can’t because of death and other debilitating reason, I’m sorry. I really am. I’m going to say the same thing I did for Mother’s Day- I recognize not everyone lives in Utopia, and has a great relationship with one or both parents. I personally know several people who have troubled relationships with both parents. I had a tough relationship with my father for years as well. What I can say is this for peace- remember this for your current or future children. Remember these relations and build a long term ship for the next generation you produce. Remember the qualities of failure and create the ones for success. Children mimic their childhood surroundings and environment because that is normal to them as they age, and it won’t change until they see what is considered normal and healthy. Even if you don’t have that role model parentally, maternally or either, try to be that. Some of the greatest people I’ve met had a donor, not parent. You can be better and do better, I promise.
And to the kids who are blessed either to celebrate both days that show off their parents, please don’t take this for granted. There are millions of people who wish their parents could have been together or stayed together. There are millions who wish they had a good relationship with one parent or both. There are millions who wish they had a father figure. There are millions who wish they could see their parent(s), but Death has taken them. You are incredibly lucky to overcome the odds, and you should be grateful. Please don’t take advantage of your spot, because many would kill for it. I am one of those, because my parents are still together and I have a good relationship with my dad currently.
I was 18 when I finally got to meet my dad as a person, because he worked endless hours and I never got to see him really physically, mentally or emotionally. He has issues that I’m not going to discuss, but I understand now since I’m an adult and married. For years, I was jealous of girls and boys who got to have great relationships with their dad, because mine wasn’t like that. He actually recently apologized for being absent, and we have become decent friends. I can go to him for venting (as long as it’s not drama) and I can say he’s given me actually good advice. I’m glad that we have a great relationship, even though I’m leaving the United States very soon.
With that said, Happy Father’s Day to all the men out there. You rock, and I salute you.